Following is a paragraph with approximately 5-7 errors. Please copy and paste the paragraph into the comment box and make all necessary corrections. By the time you post your response, all corrections should have been made.
Please note: this paragraph will change daily. You must complete the editing process for two of the paragraphs this week. That means that you must do the homework on two separate days. There will be no comment back to another student this week, just the two responses. If you complete more than 2 responses, your top two scores will count.
Here is the paragraph (From The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros):
Everybody in our family, has different hair. My Papa hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is think and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur.
Everybody in our family, has different hair. My Papa hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is think and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteKayla Ormandy
Everybody in our family has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom and all up in the air. My hair is lazy and it never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is thick and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery and slides out of your hand. KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur.
Everybody in our family, has different hair. My Papa hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is think and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteRevised Paragraph:
Everybody in our family has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlo's hair is thick and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery it slides out of your hand. And KiKi, who is the youngest has hair like fur.
-Nicole Pieta
Before:
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family, has different hair. My Papa hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is think and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur.
After:
Everybody in our family(1)has different hair. My papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air,(2)and me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is thick(3)and straight,(4)he doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery-slides out of your hand,(5) and Kiki ,(6)who is the youngest,(7)has hair like fur.
Everybody in our family has different hair. My papa hair is like a broom all up in the air. And my hair is lazy, it never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is thick and straight, he doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery- slides out of your hands. And Kiki who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa’s hair is like a broom all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy it never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos’s hair is thick and straight. He doesn’t need to comb it. Nenny’s hair is slippery and slides out of your hand. Kiki who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDelete-Michael McKay
Everybody in our family, has different kind of hair. My Papa hair is like a broom, all up in the air, and my hair is lazy , It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is thick and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery it slides out of your hand,and KiKi is the youngest who has hail that is like fur
ReplyDelete-Tyhasiah Bell-
Everbody in our family has different hair. My papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. Me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barettes or bands. carlos's hair is thick and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nanny's hair is slippery it slides out of your hand, and Kiki who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa`s hair is like broom bristles all up in the air. Me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos` hair is thick and straight. He doesn`t need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery and slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom,its all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos's hair is thick and straight,He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery and slides out of your hand. Kiki,who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa’s hair is like a broom it's all up in the air. My hair is lazy; it never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is thin and straight, he doesn’t need to comb it. Nanny's hair is slippery – it slides out of your hand. And Kiki who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is thick and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery—slides out of your hand. And Kiki, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air; my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is thick and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – it slides out of your hand.KiKi, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDelete-Kaitlyn Berry
Everybody in our family has different hair.My papa's hair is like a broom,all up in the air.My hair is lazy,it never obeys barrettes or bands.Carlo hair is thick and straight,he doesn't to comb it.Nenny's hair is slippery,it slides out of your hand.Kiki who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My Papa’s hair is like a broom, all up in the air, and my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlo’s hair is thick and straight, he doesn’t need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery it slides out of your hand, and Kiki who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDelete-SAMANTHA CARTER-
Everybody in our family, has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And my hair is lazy, it never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is think and straight, he doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery,it slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEveryone in our family ,has different hair . My Papa’s hair is like a broom , all up in the air . Me , my hair is lazy . It never obeys barrettes
ReplyDeleteor bands . Carlos’ hair is thin and straight .He doesn’t need to comb it . Nenny’s hair is slipprey- slides out of your hands . KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur .-----CLAUDIA RUPP - LUNA MIRABELLA - (>'_'<) WOOT WOOT first comment :]
Everybody in our family, has different hair. My Papa hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos hair is think and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi who is the youngest has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in my family has different hair. My papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. My hair, is lazy. It never obeys or bands. Carlo's hair is thick and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's haor is slippery- slides out of your hand. KiKi, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
Everybody in our family has different hair. My Papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is thick and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery—slides out of your hand. And Kiki, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlo's hair is thin and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery. It slides out of your hand. Kiki, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is thick and straight. He doesnt need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
ReplyDeleteOkay, folks, here is the paragraph corrected. First, though, I want to say that this author made some interesting punctuation choices - especially the dashes. Some of you corrected the dashes, which was fine. You didn't get points taken off as long as your changes maintained correct punctuation and sentence structure.
ReplyDeleteEverybody in our family has different hair. My papa's hair is like a broom, all up in the air. And me, my hair is lazy. It never obeys barrettes or bands. Carlos' hair is think and straight. He doesn't need to comb it. Nenny's hair is slippery – slides out of your hand. And KiKi, who is the youngest, has hair like fur.
Dear Miss.Sills,
ReplyDeleteI have a question about Saturday's blog homework, I have a questionn about this part that you corrected:
And me, my hair is lazy.If you were talking wouldn't you say my hair is lazy? It just doesn't make anysence to me. Another part I don't get is how you can start a sentence with the word and, wouldn't you put a comma a then and. Can you explain this to me because I don't understand it.
Thankyou,
Samantha Carter
Samantha,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're asking questions.
This author has used a very personal voice for the story-telling in this book. So the narrator is more conversational, which gives the reader a feeling of closeness to the character. The author achieves this personal voice and closeness between narrator and reader, partly, by adding phrases like "And me," as if it were just one person telling another about her world. It's similar to starting a sentence, "As for me." So while someone might just say, "My hair is lazy," this author uses that dependent clause to begin the sentence to enhance the personalization of the character. It's not a grammar issue; it's a writing style choice.
There is no rule that a writer can't start a sentence with "and" (or "because" or "but" or "or," either). It's taught at the elementary level because it's easy for little kids to get caught doing that all of the time. Also, it's less formal to start a sentence with those words. So most teachers will tell students not to do it. However, now that you know more about the language and how to create a style and voice of your own, you may choose to use those words to create a particular sense of formality (or lack of) for your own writing. Remember, this is a narrative, so the author has chosen to give her narrator this less formal way of speaking. It's not like an essay or formal academic piece.
I hope this helps you. Please let me know if I didn't answer your questions fully.
Ms. Sills
I get it now Miss. Sills thank you very much for explaining it so i won't make futume a mistakes.
ReplyDelete-SAMANTHA CARTER-